Dear Supporters:
First, I apologize for my absence. I realize that I have put a lot on myself over the past several months, and I burned myself out. I ended up in the hospital for a little bit and then moved to Goldsboro, North Carolina. So I do not live in Gaston, North Carolina anymore. As you may know, I loved the quiet of Gaston, but I did not love the ruralness of it. I did not like the lack of independence I had and the hoops I had to jump through to get anywhere: doctors’ appointments, Walmart, the pharmacy, the laundromat. I relied 100% on someone, and while I am grateful that people were there to help me with those things, I was raised to do as much as I could on my own (though they did not take their own advice… but that’s not why I am here.). You may know that in Trenton, I could go anywhere on a dime’s notice, I knew the bus system that well.
Gaston was wonderful but very different. I love everyone there; they are my family and they mean so much to me. But I knew—and they knew too, so we worked together—to get me where I am now. It was not the way I might have chosen, but have I ever been traditional?
Today, I chose to write to you because I am slowly getting us started again. I’m writing this as Essence, as the Founder of this project. And I need to update you on the status of this endeavor. I would be a bad Founder if I did not. Or, if not a bad Founder, then at least… perhaps an unethical one? In any case, I choose to write right now.
I know I want this project to continue. I am working on a business plan with the help of Joanna Penn’s audiobook Your Author Business Plan (Joanna Penn is from The Creative Penn—her podcast is wonderful. Author Entrepreneurs, and writers, pay attention! Here is the website.). I am finally getting clear on that end, and the audiobook has been immensely helpful in at least getting it nailed down.
Some thoughts on my recent hospitalization
As you may know, I was recently hospitalized in Raleigh, North Carolina. I was there for 18 days in an attempt to gain housing in the city. I did apply for a Housing Choice Voucher (Section 8), for a housing project in Durham, North Carolina that has been recently built. While there, I learned that I am autistic/on the autism spectrum, which I had suspected for over ten years. I learned that I had to rely just about 100% on me to pull things through. And most importantly, I learned that I must advocate for what I need as a human.
That is a lesson that repeatedly re-learn because I so want to rest on my laurels and just let other people handle it. And… that’s not the greatest thing to ever do, because then people will take advantage of you, or things get done slower than necessary because you waited six years to do one thing that could have taken 2 minutes. Don’t be that person.
I went into the hospital to begin the process of slowly coming off my medication. I have been taking medication for my mental health for 17 years next month. This is quite a lot of medication, and I don’t like it. I believe that it is taking a negative toll on my physical health, and that is really frustrating. I was having horrible symptoms there for a bit.
So, between having horrible symptoms from my medication, and then burnout, I was just too through with the Essence of Life. I had to go into an incubation state. What could I do to help me ease this? I wanted to resume the newsletter; a suggestion came through while I was hospitalized to make this newsletter quarterly as opposed to monthly, which is a wonderful idea. The days seem to be going by so quickly that one month just goes like the snap of one’s fingers, so making the newsletter quarterly makes the most sense at present. May those who release more frequent newsletters be blessed. (lol)
On Mania
Right before I went into the hospital, you might have noticed a name change on my personal account on Facebook: from Essence B. Scott to Sophine Sage. One of the diagnoses I left the hospital with was schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. My mania is hypomania. Up until very recently—I mean in the past month and a half recently—I did not realize when I was manic or how the mania started. But the slightest thing can trigger my mania. Anger, happiness mainly. I have to watch my caffeine intake, always. I can never have caffeinated coffee again, you know. However, I can have one small cup of green tea with matcha. I can have Arizona green tea. I can never have caffeinated coffee. Only decaf. I don’t think I can even do half caffeinated half decaf. It has to be strictly decaf. Forever. It just does. So I am now learning to recognize myself, know myself, etc. That was what Gaston was about—not the building (though it would have been nice), not anything else. It was about beginning the process of learning how to live in the world as a functioning member of society, and not like a chicken with her head cut off, which I had one for so long.
Nevertheless, my goal will always be to provide quality content for you. Let’s look at what else is happening with Essence, the human, right now.
In a Post-COVID World…
There is a lot I want to do in this post-COVID world: meet new people (perhaps a male who would be a companion?), rejoin the workforce, and get some bus rides to the library. And so much more. I also need to get vaccinated (North Carolina’s slogan is “Know Your Spot, Get Your Shot.” Carteret County, also in North Carolina, is going to be the first to stop administering vaccines after April 30th. Under one-quarter of its population is fully vaccinated.)
Post-hospitalization, I relocated to Goldsboro, North Carolina (which is NOT in Carteret County, thank my stars), to a supported living group home. I live near an Air Force base. I am near so many places, which makes my little heart happy. I am in walking distance of a Walgreens, Family Dollar, a consignment shop, a Panera Bread… to list the places I am near would take all day, so let’s just stick with those. I have a family member who would love it here. Hands down. Just for the food. I am also near a Taco Bell! Mmmmm…. (dreams of $5 grab boxes).
Today, I sit outside at my local Starbucks. I walked here; I live about a mile away. I get to watch the cars go through the drive-thru and listen to the planes overhead, snippets of conversation from people’s cars, and the traffic on the road. It is a nice day, breezy. I’m due home in about 3.5 hours for my support group for artists with mental illness. I am happy because I did my morning prayers. I am happy because I am alive.
I am happy because you are here with me.
Final Updates
I am making plans to return to school this fall. I applied to and got accepted to National University! I will study Integrative Psychology, and minor in English! How awesome, right?! That was kind of the goal from the beginning… in high school, over ten years ago! And now, here we are! I will be applying for scholarships and working my way through since my Federal funding was messed up by my parents to achieve their own ends.
I have three creative writing projects I am working on and/or planning, and I’m debating which one to devote my time to right now. I don’t stay still for long! Then, the most important project: myself. Always, myself.
Stay tuned for an official release date for Reflections!
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